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  Trick? Or treat?Far too long, yes... I have shirked my duties and must now offer my humble regrets and apologies, dearest and neglected readers of Tribal Soul Kitchen. Many, many months have arrived and flown since I last updated my column.... but fortunately, the month of October has infused me with inspiration and ablated the cloud of lassitude which has been, to me, a cognitive prison! I was pondering (as I often do when the bats quiet their chatter and settle in for the night)... and an idea of magnitude took shape in my enlivened brain: The Suggestion Box! What of it, you say? (I anticipated you would) This, and nothing more: On the main page of this illustrious Ezine is a link titled Soulkitchen Suggestion Box, where the reader need only center the cursor (with aid of a mouse), and CLICK. Magically, he or she is transported to a place where comments are addressed in a timely manner by "yours truly". (On occasion, the Suggestion Box is intercepted by an alternate member of the editorial staff) Alas, there have been few suggestions made, and I ask myself what the reason might be. My answer, so far, is that obviously the readership is so dazzled by perfection, that speechlessness is the natural result~GRIN Nevertheless, requests were voiced, few and far between, but significant. I will now take the liberty of reproducing the accumulated correspondence in this column, as items of interest, entertainment, and delight. Voila!  date: Monday, 30 Oct 2000 name: hitchiker subject: A thought.... comments: I would like to suggest a nice Merlot, not too bold, with a rather sweet fruity aftertaste. *L* Editor's Reply: A most excellent choice, Mr Hitchiker, sir! Truely a MAN's wine....er, if one disregards the sweet fruity aftertaste *haaarruummph*. For reasons I cannot fanthom, my lady prefers a Boucheron sparkling Chardonnay, and, gentleman I be, I hasten to keep her favorite stocked and her glass filled *wink wink*.. But....uhhhh, as I seem to recall, we were discussing the French, were we not? Yes. I envision the lush vineyards of France..*hic*...where a French wench treads delicately in a vat of grapes, macerating each globule of ambrosia with her fair formed tender little toes-- *SIIIGHHHHHHHH*..... Oh my Heaven, where was I?? OH *cough*... France! My unending gratitude to--*HIC*... Mr Baudelaire for translating my works for such an intellectually evolved people.... Um, but would someone PLEASE lend me a pistol so that I may ferret out the abominal personage who took it upon himself to introduce the French to JERRY LEWIS??!! *burp*...Aye...I must calm myself. All Hallows Eve approaches. I plan to trick and treat! ~GRIN
Kindest Regards,
date: Wednesday, December 20, 2000 name: John Ebeling subject: A Suggestion comments: You should get inspired from my aspect and throw the results in a poem or something. I'm interested in the results. Besides that I have a really big ego and I want to see some hot breasteses up there as well. (You know whose). Other than that.. LONG LIVE THE GODDESS SWEET THAAAAANNG
Ebeling
Editor's reply: Dear Mr. Ebeling, Thank you for your suggestion (and for finding the suggestion box). It's the 3rd we've received, and the first two were for specified brands of liquor. Although we take all suggestions into consideration, you have mistakenly assumed we know whose hot breasteses you wish to see up where.
Sincerely,
PS: Sorry to hear you're freezing your aspect off down there. It's rather chilly up here too. *S*
date: Sunday, March 11, 2001 name: schtevie email: drunken@captainmorgan.com subject: what i'd like ta see......*eg* comments: ALLLLLLLL th' chickz in thongzz ......*lmao* Editor's reply: Suh! What kind of tawdry publication do you accuse us of?? We present a most genteel and respectful attitude toward the weak-- uh, the fairer sex. Never never nevermore do we refer to ladies as "chickz"....and frankly, *cough*.. although a glimpse of a bare feminine ankle sets the heart aflutter, I cannot imagine your rapture at viewing the feet of ladies violated by those horrid rubber beach shoes that divide the great toe from the rest by means of a thong! You, suh, are what is known as a "weirdo"... *harrummph*
Regards,
date: Sunday, July 15, 2001 name: schtevie subject: crayons comments: more crayons ......some wiseass keeps breakin' all the good colors........assholes ....they only leave the brown ones and the peach ones......PRICKS !! ..... Editor's reply: Dearest sir, I can sympathize with your heartbreaking (and crayon breaking) predicament! But we must consider the motivations of the wise-asses, assholes, and *cough*pricks. Their jealousies consume them. They are talentless, and therefore colorless... and they wish to ease their plight of inadequacy by depriving the entire world of the beautiful hues which torment them so. I have a secret cache of vibrant crayons and these hate mongers will never find them!! If you meet me in the wineceller tonight at 8pm (and bring a Scooby Doo coloring book), we shall DEFY their asses and intoxicate ourselves with merriment. (I also covet a stash of fine rum *shhhh*)
Regards,
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